Not saying this, like always, to try to make everyone feel sorry for me but I really wish I knew why this has happened to me. Why do I have to lose a baby. I wouldnt wish this on anyone but why me? I am a very strong christian woman but I guess my question is what is God's plan for me? Will I ever be able to share in the joys of having a child?
Losing chloe has made me research more into my thryoid condition everyday. I dont believe that I lost chloe because of my thryoid condition I still to this day believe it was an accident with the chord and I have told many of you that. My thyroid condition is called pituitary resistance to thyroid hormone (Thyroid hormone resistance) Like the definition says there is only 1 in 50,000 people who have this rare condition. I have read many articles from doctors and have asked a million questions to my endocronologist. My endocronologist doesnt believe that me losing chloe has anything to do with my THR. She may not have had my gene is the reasoning though. So who is to say that if it is God's will that we have another child she/he may not have my gene and has THR. I really want to have another child but I know I am going to be terrified. Many people have tried to advize me againist getting pregnant again because they are afraid for ME not for the baby. Afraid I am going to stress myself out. I know this is going to be something that if we really want to have another child I must get over. To be honest I may be pregnant now and it terrifies me but if I want another child this is what has to be done. One of the questions I have asked my endocronologist is...Is there a way to tell if my next child will have this thyroid condition while still in the womb? He told me they could and that would be able to tell through testing the amnotic fluid. This also makes me nervous because this is the only test I opted out of doing with chloe because the high risk of miscarriage. :,( This may have saved her life but I promise everyone I am not blaming myself.
I hope everyone understands that I dont blame anyone anymore upon hearing that chloe had no abnormalities. God has laid it on my heart that he just wanted chloe more than we did and I believe he is telling me that we will have no problems concieving, carrying, and birthing our next child. Upon God telling me this we are now trying again ;) TMI sorry. We ask that everyone please pray for us. I promise as soon as we find out which may not be for months we will let everyone know. :)
I've began reading through your blogs and first of all, I just want you to know that I've prayed for yall since I saw Katie post about it, my little girl was only a couple months old at the time, and I literally sat on my bed looking into her bassinet for hours and just watched her sleep and cried for hours when I saw what had happened to you, at the time I didnt know you yet, but my heart broke into a million pieces for you! I had so much goin on in my own personal life, but at that moment it all seemed so small compared to what you had to face! You are such a strong woman! and you shouldnt worry if other people tell you that you arent ready, only YOU know that! and it seems very apparent that you know that God had a big plan for little Chloe and even if you never understand why it happened, God had a reason, and you seem to be at peace with that. and when you do conceive again, if you do worry (which is to be expected) just keep remembering, God has a plan, and He will be by your side to get you through it! I wish you the best of luck on trying again! Just from the little while I was around you, I can tell you will make an Amazing mother!! :)
ReplyDeleteWell... i dont know why its showing a bunch of numbers up there instead of my name :/ i dont know what it looks like on your end... but this is Stephanie (from Katie's house the other night)
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