In remembrance..

First of all I want to apologize for promising y'all a blog at least every month and last month I let you down.  Last month was full of excitement and stress.  I just want to take the time to thank so many people in my life for continuing to be there for Steven and I.  It is VERY true what people say that have lost a loved one especially a child that people tend to forget that that child didn't just go away in your mind.  It seems as if people have got to where they don't want to talk about Chloe to me anymore.  I know a lot of close family and friends remind me all the time with a sweet text saying Chloe is in my back yard or just bringing her up in general.  You have no idea how many times I have started to feel sad and a text will come across my phone from one of you letting me know that you saw her or that you are thinking about me.  Just about every month from September when Chloe passed my friend Christina sends me a text either letting me know she has seen Chloe and most of the time on the 20th I get a text from her letting me know she is thinking of me today. :)))))))) I love you Christina! :) I am by no means saying everyone else needs to call me every time they see a butterfly or on the 20th. I am just acknowledging that if you know someone who has lost a baby/child or someone they love please don't be scared to bring them up to their loved ones.  It hurts us more for you to look us in the eye and not say anything.  The reason I bring this up now also is because I ran into a friend of mine whom I haven't spoken to since Chloe passed and I could tell by the look on her face she wanted to ask me something about Chloe.  I know everyone gets tired of hearing me talk about her as well and I'm sorry but she is my daughter and in heaven or not I am going to brag a bit. ;)  Sorry to vent to everyone in this way but this has been something I have held in for awhile.  Some days I feel as if I should be in a nut house and others I feel guilty for having such a good day.  We are still trying to conceive and it is very hard to relax and keep your mind occupied at the same time.  Every time "that time of the month" (So sorry...TMI) comes I secretly cry my eyes out for a little bit.  This month I was at work...I had to take a minute and just cry but I did and I moved on from that moment.  I cry because that is longer I have to wait for my rainbow baby and I cry because I think of my precious angel.  Once again I tell everyone and once again not to sound like I am being suicidal but I cant wait to get to heaven and see that precious baby.  I know it will be a fighting battle between Steven and I who holds her more.  I will never let her go.  John 14:1-4

I also wanted to share with everyone something I know only a few people know but two weeks before we lost Chloe is when I was saved.  Everyone that knows me knows I am terrified of storms.  It was storming that night and Steven said if you are scared you need to pray for Gods protection.  I said but I'm scared to die and he said well if you are saved then you shouldn't be scared to die.  I said well I'm not 100% sure I am saved then and on that night is when MY HUSBAND led me to the Lord.  Of course most of you know I grew up in a Methodist church and I am by NO MEANS saying anything bad about ANY church but everyone knows that the Baptist dunk you and the Methodist "sprinkle". So when I was saved my preacher told me that we would wait till after I had Chloe to have my baptism.  So tomorrow night I am going to be baptized.  :))

Please continue to pray for us and we love and thank you all.


Ashley