I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. I don't even know where to begin. Today I am very sad. Yesterday and today have brought back so many emotions to me. Meredith, a girl I believe I can now call friend, has became an angel mommy. She has twins, 4 months old and one of her sweet twins went to be with my sweet chloe in heaven. I am saying this and I'm not saying it lightly and to sound mean or that I don't care but for some reason meredith has been on my mind more than any other time I found out other angel mommies became angel mommies. Not that when I found out any of my other angel mommies are any different. Her sweet angel, Khoen, was only a month younger than my niece and I believe this is why it has hit me so hard. I know people tell me all the time how strong I am but I am not nearly as strong as some of the angel mommies I have met who have lost babies who have lived on earth. Those angel mommies are some strong angel mommies. ;) It is not something any of as mommies should have to go through but something we will probably never understand because once we get to heaven all that stuff wont matter because we will be with our loved ones. Our babies!! Finally!!
See it is crazy how people who have been in my shoes before me always told me you will go through stages of your grief because I have sure went through those stages but I am not saying this in a bad way because by all means I need everything I can to grieve my child I lost. People still talk to me and tell me well if you have another girl why don't you name her chloe. You would be suprised how many times I have been told this. This to me is the most hurtful thing. You have forgotten I HAVE a child named chloe. I DONT NEED TWO CHILDREN NAMED CHLOE. I have went through many feeling so happy. I have went through many days feeling angry. Questioning God (yes I did this and hate I did) why on earth he would ever take my child from me. I have went through days where I just wanted to be alone so I can cry. (Yes I still have whole days like this) I have went through days where I didnt want to be alone and didn't want my husband to even go to work but I knew he had too. I wish all I could do is see my daughter smile but I wont be able to till I get to heaven. I have to be patient. I want to ask for everyone to pray for my friend meredith and her family and continue to pray for steven and myself and our families. Pray one day no mommy or daddy will have to go through what we have went through. Pray as we are still trying to give miss chloe a brother or a sister. Love you all.
Thank you, Ashley. You are amazing. And this means so much to me. It isnt fair, but we are blessed to have sweet Chloe and Khoen as our angels. And I feel so blessed to have you as a friend. You are a true inspiration of strength to me, and someone who i know really understands how I feel right now. i pray for you daily, and will continue. and i cant wait until Chloe is blessed with being a big sister! Thank you for being here for me. love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ashley. You are amazing. And this means so much to me. It isnt fair, but we are blessed to have sweet Chloe and Khoen as our angels. And I feel so blessed to have you as a friend. You are a true inspiration of strength to me, and someone who i know really understands how I feel right now. i pray for you daily, and will continue. and i cant wait until Chloe is blessed with being a big sister! Thank you for being here for me. love you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your friend Ash. Can't image the pain that family must be feeling. I love you and all your strength.
ReplyDeleteLove, April